Thursday evening was a first for us, as we headed off to high school as a family to hear James present his graduation speech, a necessary requirement to finishing school. It was a lovely evening indeed. (Especially because Nora stayed at Auntie Darlene's for the evening!)
After meeting together in the auditorium, all the grads split into small groups to speak to their families and friends. James was with two of his other friends he's known since Kindergarten. The supervising teacher had taught James French in Gr. 8, and made up collages of the boys from their time at primary and middle school.
Although perhaps too soft-spoken for Grandpa's listening ears, James did very well with moments of humour, expressions of thankfulness and insight as to his future plans. We learned a lot about his school philosophy of trying to do as little work as possible. :)
 |
| Friend Leanne and girlfriend Kelsey, both met at McDonalds. |
James had to choose a special object to talk about in his speech that represents his last few years in high school, so he chose a framed picture of him and his five best friends. It was sweet to see how much those relationships have meant to him, which he also expressed well.
 |
| Thomas is getting inspiration for the years ahead... |
 |
| Our son, whom we are proud of and hope the best for. |
And lastly, because looking at these photos makes me feel what I didn't let myself feel at the time, after working hard that day and just wanting to keep my face intact, allow me to indulge myself in reflections on
letting go...
It’s one of those things that I try not to think of too much
while I’m in the present, as I push the crest of emotion rising up from my
chest because I know if I don’t, I’m going to make a scene. Just one more
moment that I know I can’t stop from happening as my son moves another step
further away from me, into the future beyond our home. The tears are so close…
happy tears of pride and thankfulness for all he’s become, sad ones that he doesn’t
really need his Mom anymore. I hope that he’ll see that he still might
sometimes, and that I did enough while I had his young mind to mold, his sweet
heart to hold.
I can console myself that it won’t be the last time I’ll
experience this, that there are four more children to get this far but I know I’m only
fooling myself. It’s still the last time for this one, my oldest child who has
carried me this far into the realms of parenthood. The one that has trained me,
and who will be moving on soon. Yes, I’ll still be busy driving others around,
but I’m already missing him, already grieving that soon my van will be one less
child full, even though he stopped talking to me years ago. To know that I can no longer catch his eye as he approaches on the sidewalk, his grin fully embracing me because he can't resist my grin. To realize that
soon I won’t know where all my children are at one time, that one has flown off
unaccounted for because it’s time to fly alone.
.jpg) |
| My firstborn, my first boy"everything"... |
So for now, we take the pictures and attend the required
events for the first time, unaware of all that our hearts will experience. When
it’s all over and no one’s around, I think I’ll just take a day to cry that my
first baby is grown, to allow myself to feel it. Until then, I’ll keep smiling
while blinking excessively, yet with the realization that my heart is making
some new fault lines, quivering inside. Next time, I’ll be more prepared and
maybe a bit more guarded to keep the emotions at bay. But somehow, I don’t
think it will be any easier if I’m to be true to myself. It’s not easy watching
a part of yourself walk away, even if he’ll still live in the basement for
years to come.
J
.jpg)