Mother's Day

Today was one of those monumental days where I couldn't help but reflect on the past 4 years, of how I'd been waiting to have Nora with me as my daughter. As a mother of four my mind would tell me that I didn't have the right to feel it, yet my heart would have a sense of sadness as the years passed. Last year was more hopeful as I knew we were getting closer to referral. So you'd think this year I would be bouncing off the ceiling. (Reclining on the couch is more my style...)

Well, I am deeply grateful to have our daughter home, but as I shared with my sister this evening on the phone, motherhood the "second" decade around is a little more challenging. Unfortunately life is a little too busy sometimes, and my perspective is somewhat more cynical about parenting as I can see my mistakes walking around in front of me. :) I can no longer be the idealistic new parent that I was many years ago, as my energy level is lower, the time constraints of each day are more demanding and I just can't do it all. I know now that I'm not a perfect parent, so I cannot demand perfection of my children. Sounds kind of depressing, but in my new stage of  "realistic" parenting I am definitely more relaxed, mostly out of necessity. The bathrooms stay dirty for weeks, and the weeds grow unchecked. I feel less compelled to have to do everything that all the other parents do, realizing that most things aren't such a big deal as we think. I opt for flexibility, I choose to enjoy the small things, I give up control in some areas. Not that this is ideal, but it's working for me. Nora won't know any differently, and when it's just her and I, I can almost imagine that there's just two of us... that I could be that amazing mother. But then reality hits afterschool! :) (And please don't take this post as one where I'm feeling sorry for myself...) I am once again reminded that I need God's guidance each day to be worthy of this calling. Time just goes too quickly. 

I wondered tonight if there is such an occasion as Mother's Day in China? Part of me hopes that there isn't, as I wouldn't want Nora's birthmother to have such a time to consider once again the choice, or lack of, that she had made with not raising Nora herself. I have no knowledge of her, so I can only surmise feelings, motivations, and the enormity of her pressures. I hold no judgement, no resentment, and can't comprehend the difficulty of her sacrifice then and even today. I only know that each Mother's Day, she will be especially close to my thoughts, making this day a little bittersweet for me, and likely for Nora in the future. These are my thoughts this evening... I thank you for your indulgence, and truly wish that you've known appreciation today for all the little ones in your life that you influence.

 

What My Daughter Reveals...

I see joy in her dimpled smile, perfect beauty in her face.

I see intelligence in her soft brown eyes, curiosity leading her step by step.

I hear happiness in her laughter, as she chases me around the kitchen.

I hear her off-key singing, "La la la", as she sways to distant music.

I feel affection in her spontaneous hugs, as she lays her head on my chest.
I feel gentleness as she strokes my arm and so tenderly says "Ma-ma".

I am enveloped by her trusting gaze, as she has learned to let me feed her.

I am humbled as she imitates my every new action, never missing a beat.

I feel loved, undeservedly at times,
 amazed that I should be so freely given Nora's heart.
I feel overwhelmed by this gift of motherhood once again,
 birthed in a most unfamiliar way.

I cannot forget that I have benefited from another woman's pain,

 my heart increasing in fullness as her grief may diminish over time.

She, the unknown woman who is subtly revealing herself
 in this charming girl before me.
Though unseen, there is a third person with us in my mind.
If I saw her eyes, would I recognize her immediately
 after daily searching the soul of those same beautiful eyes?
I wonder if she'll ever know how much I'm thankful?

May she feel my gratitude across the ocean to her heart.

To know that her daughter,

                      my daughter,
                      our daughter...
Is safe, is honoured, is loved.
Peace I pray for you.

18 Months Old

Pictures to come.

Adventures outside..

So this is really what goes on when I'm not at home... apparently Charles was going very slow, and Nora loved it, so it must be a good thing, right?

This is what people mean about younger kids having more opportunities than their older siblings, I guess.

In the evening, we took a quick jaunt to Tynehead park where "green" calls out from every viewpoint.

Nora was in the stroller most of the time for "safety's sake", but you have to wonder how safe she is when Thomas is in charge of "strolling"...

Seeing squirrels for the first time up close was exciting for Nora. Unfortunately the boys insisted on calling them "'puppies", so she's likely to be somewhat confused. (That is their idea of joking around...)

Scott, once again, practicing with his new camera when I'm not looking.

The boys always protest going for walks, but have a great time getting out their energy once we get going. We definitely need to do it more. Showing Nora the world should be a good incentive.

"Baby's Day Out"

I once had a little Golden book by this title, which a movie was based on. Each page showed the grand adventures of "Baby" out in the stroller with her Nanny. Well, that was Nora's day today for sure (minus a nanny)... she did more with Darlene's family than I do in a week! :) I jest, but Darlene shared her photos of the day with us, showing their many activities. Looks like they all had a lot of fun. You can bet that Dora is not usually on the TV in this house of boys! (Nora loves fries...)

We so appreciate Darlene and her family having Nora over for the day, as I was at a quilt retreat this past weekend, and Scott was at a Taekwondo tournament. It's the longest time Nora has spent away from the house, and she did very well.

Posing on a traditional Chinese chair... Princess Nora.

Gavin and Trevor were happy to introduce Nora to the little push car outside.

They also visited the playground, which is likely the first time for Nora to play at one.

I think it's so cute that Nora's toting her little panda around... must have been her security item for the day. :)

Walking in a neighbourhood greenspace.

Nora riding the car at the neighbourhood park, obviously getting the hang of it.

Having lunch together with Edward and the boys.

One of Nora's challenging behaviours is refusing to drink her bottle from other people besides "Mama". (And it's not always pretty for me either.) Today was no exception, so Darlene was innovative in having Nora try to use a straw. The boys showed her how to do it. I had no idea she could do that, thanks! :)

This picture is adorable. Nora loves to read books, and I think the boys like to also!

Nora (and Panda) also went for a ride to do some grocery shopping. Pretty cool shades...

Always love to see Nora smiling.

And today's lesson from Nora: Always take time to smell the flowers. Thank you, Ma family, for taking time for Nora. We hope to visit again soon. :)

When bananas are not our friends...

So, on Friday, I was desperately trying to get ready to leave for a quilt retreat in the evening. I had spent the night before pinning a quilt together in preparation of sewing the layers together. (Which is why I couldn't watch the Royal wedding...) I admit I was somewhat distracted during lunch, so Nora took the time to use her banana to style her hair. After awhile, I just finished up what I was doing until I was sure that she was finished her thing. I knew a wash was in order either way...

Yes, Nora does look sad. In order for her to connect consequence with action, I took her to the kitchen sink to wash her hair. She tolerated it pretty well, no crying, just a bit of a whimper. And trust me, banana "goo" is not easy to get out of hair. Let's hope this doesn't happen for awhile, and I'll be a bit more attentive too. :) Here's the aftermath...

Eventually we moved on to more exciting things, like Mama's "blanket" in the living room. I'm glad to have it pinned finally, as yesterday Nora kept stomping on it when it was laid out on the floor.

Nice to see her happy again. And with no banana near the fabric!

Easter Sunday

Easter "Saturday"

Family schedules had us celebrating Easter on Saturday, which in the end was a lovely sunny day... by Sunday it was raining. Nora experienced her first street hockey game, although she wasn't invited per se.

Dad introduced her to the puck, and overall Nora enjoyed being in the cul-de-sac immensely. The scary part was that she just took off running down the street, oblivious to the dangers of traffic etc. This is why I haven't done any weeding in my front yard...

A group picture of all the grandchildren was attempted, but it's always a challenge to have everyone looking.

Nora was wearing the dress that my parents gave her at her baby shower... very "girl-y".

After a delicious dinner, we also celebrated my sister Ann's birthday. Was a treat to have her and her family home this year. 

Good Friday

We attended a service at our previous church in Langley, which worked well with naptime as it was after dinner. Nora discovered the Easter eggs just prior to our leaving and was very intrigued.

Wasn't long before the eggs were scattered everywhere, and I'm sure I'll find them hiding in strange places in the weeks ahead.

This is a new way to hold a basket, works for Nora!

And just for fun, Rosie is sporting Nora's little sunglasses. She certainly is a tolerant dog!