Dear Family
& Friends,
Merry Christmas! We hope
you are all well, and want you to know that you've been in our thoughts this
past year despite our infrequent communication otherwise. I, Susan, do love this time
of year for once again reaching across the miles to say “Hello”, and letting you know
how we’re doing on our end. I realize I've used the juggling analogy for our lives way too many times, but compared to
this year I think I was only amateurish before… now I’m becoming a true
professional. (NOT!!!)
I want to share with you the secrets to
successful juggling that I've been learning the hard way as I share our family
news. Send your juggling insights to me anytime also. (Like in the comments section!) J
Ball #1~ Scott,
my amazing, devoted husband, works harder than any of us to be there for
everyone. That could be chauffeuring the kids to school or Nora to childcare, picking Charles up from work, visiting his extended family or working at one of his places of employment. Throw
in a late night movie date with me when I've been working shifts, and
exhaustion is my husband’s new best friend. In March, Scott purchased a secondTaekwondo school in nearby Walnut Grove from an instructor that was struggling
with health problems and needed to stop teaching. It seemed to be a great opportunity to help
someone as well as invest in a school for a future instructor, and also keep
the 25 students there training. It was definitely not a decision made lightly
as Scott’s work schedule was already very stretched. Any new business venture
always takes more involvement that you anticipate, and this was no exception.
The fall started off on a more positive note with more student enrollments but
there is still a need for growth. So on any given day, Scott may drive within
the three cities of Langley, Surrey and North Delta to work. It has not been
easy. With the recent news of receiving a 45% salary cut from the church due to
budget concerns (to start in January), that second school is suddenly a ray of
hope. “When a ball falls, it’s easier to see in retrospect why you had been
given that extra one.” On a more positive note, we've been enjoying having a couples' home group where we're studying the Real Marriage series by Mark Driscoll. It's been nice to have people in our home on a regular basis, who thankfully make the long trek over here. J
 |
| James, 2nd from right, and friends. |
Ball#2~ James,
the hard-working, motivated young man of few words… Most of you
know that he graduated from Grade 12 in June, which took a lot more energy from
me than I suspect it took him. J
It was an emotional time for us as parents… feeling pride and relief, with
anticipation of future plans and better communication, in trepidation of
handing over more freedom like keys to his Papa’s truck. The communication didn't change for the better,
as James equates independence with not having to speak. L Post-graduation was definitely a season of change
that we've all been balancing precariously, often with missteps. (Now I’m
juggling on a tightrope!) James enrolled in the University of Fraser Valley, at
the Abbotsford campus 20 minutes east on the freeway. He’s working on a degree
in Computer Information Systems (CIS), which is not surprising given his love
of computers. There are frequent UPS deliveries to the house now, of computer
parts that he adds to his expanding network of screens and hard drives. (Don’t
ask me what he’s doing; I just know he owes me for the postage I’m charged for
at the door!) In between class days, James also works at McDonalds 3-4 times a
week, often pulling a night shift where he secretly takes his textbook to work
on assignments. (He’s still trying to carry the illusion with me that he never does homework…) Campus life does
not seem to be a big deal for him, as he’s choosing to do three of his courses
next term online to avoid the drive… meaning he’ll be down in his dungeon even
more. With turning 19 in January, I anticipate James will be living here for
awhile, mostly out of necessity. With his tendency to save money, I think he’s
seen the writing on the wall and so we’ll likely have another interesting year
of maintaining boundaries and letting go at the same time. In his spare time,
he’s been happily dating Kelsey since February, a sweet girl that he met at
work.
James also enjoys snowboarding and outback-style camping with his
friends. His Europe trip at Spring Break was a graduation highlight, but I don't think he can afford to travel for awhile now. He is still a gentle soul whose smile makes my day. I'm still getting used to not picking him up after school, doing a mental head count that "Yes, I've got everybody today." “Some
balls refuse to be juggled, despite your best intentions. You may need to let
that one go, hoping that it will be more cohesive at a later time.” J
Ball#3 ~ Charles,
17 in August, is in Gr. 12. I am much more organized with the whole graduation
agenda, so I’m hoping we’ll have a smoother transition. However, Charles is
very resistant to being led along this path, being much more involved in high school
dramas that may bring him down, cause annoyance or result in supreme happiness. Often quoting
that “No peers can pressure me to do things,” I am left wondering the obvious... that you chose to do that on your own?! Okay… personally I would choose to
blame others! J
Anyway, Charles, who’s going more for a GQ type of look lately, can be a sweetheart of a guy (we appreciate his help with childcare at home), and is a good communicator when he feels like it. He began working at a local A&W restaurant in August, where
he makes a great team player. He’s decided that grill cooking is not a long
term goal but the money is helpful. He’s testing for his driver’s licence this
month, which would assist everyone with getting back and forth. July was also exciting
for the chance to be part of the Delta Student Police Academy for 8 days. (Here's the video that was shown at the student "graduation"... very cool, but scary music... have fun spotting Charles!) Charles has expressed interest in law enforcement, but is not thrilled about
the required post-secondary to get there, among other things. We’re hoping he’ll
find some motivation for something sooner than later, but recognize it is hard
to make these life decisions at such a young age.
 |
| Grad trip ~ river rafting in September |
We are thrilled that a
last-minute opening came up for Charles to attend a school trip over Spring
Break to Guatemala for two weeks. As he builds wells and primitive shelters,
while living with a local family, we are hoping that he’ll be part of something
life-changing and character-building. (In fundraising for the trip, Charles is now for hire until the end of February... call him anytime!) We look forward to him finishing school
off well. “Juggling items the same size and shape are easier, but chances are
they’re all going to be different. You’re just going to have to change your
technique.”
Ball#4~ Thomas, the interesting “recite-r” of whatever
he has learned that day in Gr. 9, will randomly try to impress us about atom
configurations in Chemistry, formulas of trigonometry or all the types of
paragraph writing that exist. It makes for strange dinner conversation, so we
try to postpone those displays of knowledge to more one-on-one times before
other boys break in with their disparaging comments along the lines of “Who
cares!…” It is a little frightening at times what this 14 year old can recall,
and I am hopeful that it will all be used for good. (Although he still can’t
remember being told to clean his room until the sixth time…) Thomas worked independently
on Math 9 over the summer, and passed the Math 9 challenge exam with flying
colours. He has no qualms about being in Math 10 with older kids, and feels
like he knows more than those students also. (Humility is not always his best
trait…) His sharp wit keeps his peers entertained, but it can also be painful
when it comes to verbal sparring with us. I should have seen it coming, but
adolescence is now taking over our third sweet son as well. Unlike his older
brothers, his logic and vocabulary allow for even better target practice to get
to the point. The only thing keeping him from complete victory in parental
battle is his strong temper which presents itself with too much body tensing,
dirty looks and door slamming. The joy of this boy however, is his ability to
swing between such extreme emotional ranges. Once the sulking is past, Thomas
is quick to smile, displaying his recently applied “tin grin”, as well as entertaining
Nora or wrestling with Lewis.
 |
| Any girl would be thankful to have a brother like this... |
He befriends people easily, helps out where he
can at church, and has such a joyful, gentle spirit. He looks to Charles for
fashion advice and is developing his own quirky style with a recent interest in
making his own masculine jewellery. Piano, clarinet in band, Taekwondo lessons
and competitions, drawing, and always reading
multiple books at once keep Thomas busy and happy. J “Juggling
with fiery objects is bound to cause some burns. Keep extinguishers nearby at
all costs.” (In Thomas’ case, that would be an exciting fantasy novel
of 400+ pages…)
 |
| Still good buddies... |
Ball#5~ Lewis, our “baby” boy is now 11, which we can’t
believe at times. He’s floating through Gr.6, putting in as little effort as
possible which doesn't seem to be a problem for him. He is very similar to
James, strong in the math department, and in adopting the “no-homework” philosophy
which eventually will catch up to him, we hope?!
Mechanically minded, hanging
out with Grandpa tinkering in his garage is Lewis’ favourite activity. When
something is broken at home, we just tell Lewis, and off he goes to repair it.
But don’t try to offer advice, as this will likely cause offense… Lewis wants
to figure things out on his own and will rarely ask for help. This can result
in frustration on either end. With his low key nature, it is surprising at the
stubborn will inside this boy. He continues to have a cuddly side though, with
a favourite blanket nearby as he hopes to watch a movie, and he’ll still seek
out our hugs. Nora can be a source of irritation now, typical of sibling
rivalry, but Lewis is also very good at playing with her and reading stories. I
am often reminded that he was the one who wanted a little sister most, and she
is helping him to become even more responsible and nurturing which is sweet to
watch. Lewis excels at playing the piano by ear, is learning saxophone in band,
tolerates Taekwondo lessons and still likes to make creative projects for gifts
or practice magic tricks on willing spectators. He is at the great age of
wanting to learn to cook, bake and help out with Christmas decorating or other
special events, so I’m trying to take time for teaching him. It’ll help me in
the years ahead when the older brothers are absent and he can help out in the
kitchen. J “The occasional juggling ball is easier to
hold onto than the others. It may not appear extraordinary on the outside but
you know you couldn't do the juggling so well without that one constant ball
that naturally returns to your hand.”
Ball#6~ Nora, the largest and loudest influence I've ever met in a petite 3 year old body,
continues to be a force to be reckoned with. J Two years home with us now as of September, it’s hard to imagine life
without her around. There is no way she would let us forget her, with her way of alternating charming and
demanding behaviour, often within a span of 5 minutes. She would be the perfect fit for a diva of
some kind, but we are determined not to spoil her. Yes, I've bought outfits and
shoes for her at thrift stores with the best intentions and borrowed my nieces’
clothes, but either way she has too many dresses and shoes. I guess that was a
natural consequence of having boys for too long. J Thankfully Nora likes dressing up, so we both enjoy that. Otherwise,
life is pretty basic as we mostly hang out at home together. Nora loves to be
with me, helping out with laundry or whatever I’ll allow her to do.
Daddy is
popular too, but our biggest conflicts revolve around her trying to boss Scott
around, especially every school morning. Nora can be an unbelievable tyrant… I
say “unbelievable” because most people don’t
believe us! (She can be so cute, sweet and affectionate to others…) She began
preschool in the fall, an obviously younger student compared to those with
January birthdays but she’s doing well with the routines and I’m happy for a
little breathing room twice a week. I am also pleased with the emotional and
communication growth Nora has made this past year, but with her fiery temper
she’ll be struggling with bossiness and watching her words for awhile! As I’ve
mentioned her quote before of “I want to be the boss of China”, Nora certainly does
have a lot of potential leadership skills in her, but we want to help her not
to become dictatorial in her daily interactions. Parenting Nora is a blessing
of untold hugs a day while she whispers “I love you, too, (because she thinks
that’s the original phrase…) and then being cursed out with rudimentary bad
words because you denied her something. We will freely admit that Nora easily
takes the cake in regards to being our most challenging child at this age, but
we love her so much and thank God, especially in the tender moments, for
allowing us to parent this beautiful girl.
|
 |
| At a recent wedding, "Bride" doll in tow... |
We never forget, we are the lucky ones, not her. “Sometimes juggling the newest
ball is the hardest one to keep in the air; tiny, slippery and less elastic, it
cannot be allowed to fall and be damaged. The juggler hopes that the larger
balls are stronger and more forgiving when dropped, bouncing back upwards from
experience.”
That leaves me to myself,
the juggler in this scenario. Sometimes I feel like I want to put all the balls
down on the ground, and just do something else for awhile! But then I realize
that I would miss all the action, and that I like to be helpful and needed. I
will admit though that I have found this a harder year than past ones, and not
to complain about it but just to acknowledge that fact as we've all been busier
with schedules and had conflicts with our older boys at times. (My mother’s heart
may learn over time not to take it so personally.) I've worked more hours this year
at the Alzheimer’s Centre, adjusting to doubling the facility in size to house 72
residents. As the only RN there on weekends, evenings or nights with other
support staff, I have been learning a lot about teamwork and leadership, and
overall I really enjoy my co-workers. I like the appreciation I receive at work
for always smiling and assisting others, which a mother doesn't necessarily
hear at home from her children. J
I am considering looking for a second casual position in January, as the amount
of hours available at my facility is limited. Our social calendar has dried up
considerably, partly with having a little one at home but moreso with the shift
work and trying to make time just to have the family together. Hence my
self-talk of “Despite your capabilities to juggle many balls, sometimes you need to
just focus on the most important ones to save your energy (and sanity) for the
duration of the act.” (To me, that eliminates dusting, washing walls, yard work,
less baking, hobbies etc… trying not to sacrifice relationships, or reading books!) Nora
and I connect most frequently with girlfriends who have little ones at home so
that we’re both happy. Our furthest “play-date” was out to Winnipeg in April to
spend time with my sister Ann and her family. Family-wise, we did have an awesome
vacation exploring the amazing Oregon coast in August, which we hope to do
again sometime. Besides a big year for Charles up ahead (making him a quilt and
other graduation activities), I don’t see any big changes on the horizon. As we
come to mind, please keep us in prayer for good health, rest and balance with
our home, work and church responsibilities. Thank you for your friendship and
care, and please visit with us when you can. I appreciate you reading this overly long blog entry, which I must admit, I did enjoy writing. I
try to keep this up-to-date through the year if you ever want to peek in on us. Here is my last thought about juggling, something that I must remember above
all:
“You’re always going to drop the
ball… COUNTER gravity instead. Throw the “balls” upwards to heaven, give them
to the Master Juggler and let Him hold them for awhile. His arms never tire; He
can balance the entire universe in His hands. Pray that He’ll teach you how to
juggle things together with Him, and that how sometimes there is a time to let
a ball drop or to pick up a new one. He never meant for you to be a solo act.”
May you sense God’s arms
around you at this special time of celebrating His son, Jesus, and as He leads
you forwards in 2013. Let us know how we can care for you, too. Merry
Christmas!
 |
| Love, Susan and the family J |
P.S. Here is Scott’s juggling insight: “No matter what is being juggled, the juggler is always the centre of
attention.” If I were to apply
this to Scott, I would say that to
his credit, most people have no idea how much he is juggling daily, that he
is humble, deflecting personal attention to others instead. If Scott's quote is in
reference to me, I would admit it’s true… it’s my blog after all! J
